I WILL NOT BE RATING THIS BOOKSorry to all the lovers of "Dirty", don't hate me or my review, these are just my thoughts after I finished the book...You know that feeling when you see a good book, it's labeled "erotica", and most of your friends absolutely loved it, saying it's emotional and deep and all... I was very excited to read this one. I wanted some emotions with all the sex, that's the best erotica out there. Well. I can't really say this book made me feel a lot of emotions. At all. I didn't cry. There weren't any heartbreaking scenes in here. But what it did do was kill my emotions dead by the time I finished it. It put me in a terrible, terrible depressing mood, because through the whole book there was no reprieve, always depressing, always horrible stuff in the background, always the heroine's panic that leads to her childhood traumas.I couldn't even enjoy the sex, (well maybe for the first one in the club), but after that? Nope. I guess I got too much into the head of the heroine and since every single damn sex scene had that panic of hers behind it, I just couldn't enjoy it. By the time I finished the book I was completely numb and felt absolutely sh*tty, which was NOT my goal when I decided to read an erotica novel.And the story, the author chose something horribly, horribly disturbing for the heroine's past, and it was THERE, the whole time, through the whole damn book! I hated it! And it just got worse with every page the more it was discovered. It wasn't angsty at all. I don't mind angst. I don't mind crying when there's a sad scene in the book. But this didn't have either. It just had that incredibly dark and disturbing thing that looked you in the eye on every damn page!And so I told to myself, it's gonna get better, I know this has a good ending. Yeah. I had to read 7-8 hours of absolute depression to get a sentence or two of a possible happy end. F*ck that. Now I have to read the damn other book too! Yeah there was a sex scene at the end of the book, but it wasn't happy either. They got back together but it was full of revelations about her past and even the damn sex was depressing!That said... The writing is amazing. I really loved it. The characters are done SO well, just great. There was one happy scene in the book (just one!!!), it was funny and I had laughed, yes actually laughed when I read it :D It's with the dildo in the conference room :D And that's it...Objectively this book is really, really good. But subjectively I hated it's guts! So I won't be rating this one. It wouldn't be fair to the book because I am the problem here, I don't like to spend my time with something that will kill me dead. And if I choose to spend my time with something that would put me in a bad mood, it would be to make me cry or feel something intense. This didn't do either. So I don't think I'll be grabbing another book by this author. Just not for me, I'm afraid.