Wallbanger

Wallbanger - Alice Clayton Text messages between The Book and Blacky:So, what do you think about me?Well you weren't short at all :DWell yeah I'm pretty long... and thick...Just about average I'd sayPfttt you are average missy! Didn't you like all the humor?Yeah it was good I guess, the scene with Dr. Ross was the best :DOhhhh yes, makes me think of dirty things, that man. I wish I had my O back :(Yes, I wish it too! Your O brought more frustration to me than it did to you!Whatcha sayin'? You didn't like all the sexual frustration? How is that possible?How is that possible indeed -.-And what about my story? What did you think of that?Story? What story? Book, all you talked about was the lack of orgasms, flirtation, sexual frustration, sex... I may have forgotten a sexual thing or two that were mentioned :PMmmmmmm sexxxxxx. Me wants the big O :(Hello book! Focus! I am talking to you!Talking? Talking about sex? Mmmmmm sexxxxxx. Me wants the big O :(I am facepalming here! Can you try to have a nice conversation without thinking of sex?Me? Thinking about sex? Mmmmmmm sexxxxxx. Me wants the big O :(Sigh. I give up.Did you just write "sigh"???Well that's a hell of a time to start noticing!! :PBlacky, Simon, Caroline, The Cat, The Book and The Friends are on a road trip, traveling in the car together:BlackyOMG I have to endure several hours in the car with Mr. Horny and Ms. Hornier and the CatfromHell. Ughhh. The friends are interesting though, but even they think of nothing but sex. I see Simon is looking at Caroline in a smouldering way. His eyes don't stop twinkling for goodness sake!SimonWhy am I thinking about Caroline all the time? Hm must mean I want to wallbang her too. Damn that will be tough cause she can't stop arguing with me. Why does she hate me so much? Oh yeah, I bang girls like crazy. Mmmmmmmm. Banging... Walls... Why doesn't this car have walls?????CarolineSimon keeps touching the inside of the car, I don't think he likes it. He does like f*cking girls through the wall though. I want to be f*cked through a wall :( Wait, no! I don't! I hate Simon! But he's so pretty, my lower Caroline says... I don't care! He's a jerk! But I keep flirting with him all the time, my lower Caroline says... So what! I can flirt and do whatever I like 'cause I don't have my O anymore. Oh O how I miss you :(((The CatfromHellThey don't have a clue *evil laugh*. I will make their lives misarable *evil laugh*. The girl loves me, but I don't plan to let her have her O back with the arrogant man *evil laugh*. I will spoil all their plans eventually *evil laugh*. My throat hurts from all the evil laughing *coughs*SimonDid that cat just evil laughed at me???? I must be hearing things. Oh well back to thinking about sex. And Caroline. Damn, I'm hard. Will she stop looking at me with those hungry eyes? Damn, I'm even harder now. Must. Squirm. In. My. Seat!CarolineSimon keeps squirming all the time. What is his problem??? He's got to have a big hard-on just for me. Too bad I can't give it to him cause he's a jerk and I don't have my O back. But I feel some suspicious fluttering, my lower Caroline says... YAY! I'm gonna jump him as soon as I can! Without actually having sex with him! Ahhhh I just love that sexual frustration...The FriendsThey are all so stupid ahahahaha we have found our someones to have sex with ahahahahaha we don't suffer any sexual frustration ahahahahahaBlackyOMG these people are driving me crazy! Simon is trying to hide his hard-on, Caroline is talking to her belly, the cat is making some funny evil noises, and the friends are probably high or something, they can't stop laughing. Jeez :((( Is anything going to happen here that doesn't have anything to do with sex or having sex or the lack of sex???Guess not :(The BookI am so happy :D Everyone is horny and thinking about sex! So awesome! I am never going to let anyone do it ever again! Well, maybe The Friends will. But man oh man, there's nothing better than blue balls and frustration! Just love it! Oh I have to think of a few scenes (well make it dozen at least), where they'll want to have sex but couldn't do it for some reason! Oh yes! I think I will form an alliance with The CatfromHell. Awesome!Oh! Mmmmm.. Yes, more to the left! Harder! Yesssssss... Oh yes, that's soooo gooood! Harder, yes, there! Push it! Ohhhhhhhhh I just love going to the masseur! You'd THINK I was doing something naughty. But no.Lots of these in the book too :DDD Anyway let me tell you what I thought about it in general. No plot whatsoever.Too much sexual frustration.Humor was OK, but would be better if there was just a bit less of it, you know, sometimes too much of a good thing can make you sick :DI don't really mind the fact that they had to wait practically for the end of the book to do the deed. Read lots of books like that, didn't mind it. In this case, all the sex talk and sex thought, and lack of orgasm talk, and lack of orgasm thought, and flirting all the freaking time, and getting it on a few times, just to stop at the good part... No. A bit f*cking no for me. Every damn chapter was about the things I said above, nothing else. It may be good to read this in small doses, but a whole book? No. Thanks. Sorry.What I liked:My favorite scene from the whole book is when they watched the Exorcist, and they slept together in her bed. Very very lovely, and I think the only scene that was nice without some sexual overtones. Maybe there were a few, but nothing that stood out. Perfect scene in my opinion :)When they went to Spain :) Even though when I read that they'll go through all the bases before the deed... I lost a few million neurons from that, my brain kinda had a stroke or something cause I wanted to burn the damn book if only I had the paperback. Lucky for me I have an e-book reader so I felt too sorry to smash it to bits. But I was tempted!!!!Anyway, the ending of Spain was great, very realistic and I'm glad the author did it that way! The style of writing was VERY good, can't say anything about that, I just wish the humor and sex-everything was a little toned down, and if there was a story thrown in. But oh well, can't have everything, right??Text messages between The Book and BlackySo you didn't like me very much then? :((I did like you, you poor sex-obsessed thing! But I guess I wanted a bit more from you...Blacky, you just have lousy taste in books, admit it! I am awesome!Hey, won't argue with you there :D You might be awesome, but to someone else.And I sure am! Look at all the other great reviews I have :PI am! I did! And I hope my review won't turn anyone from the book, it isn't my fault my brain couldn't cope with it :((Nice of you to admit your deranged brain Blacky! I knew there must have been something seriously wrong with you if you didn't like me! Phew! Glad to know now ehehehehehHey just don't spread it around OK?!No problemo, my Blacky :D I will just continue my sexless scheming for other people! Oh yeah!*buddy read 06.01. with Steph, Sharon, Karen, Kristal, Endless and whoever decides to join*Thanks so much for reading this with me my friends :)